I know I’ve been campaigning the living daylights out of the Norfff and how we are different from the rest of the world – the only thing I can think of that we have in common, is the fact that we’re humans and we have navels, the latter may be proven wrong in some cases… We do things a bit differently in the Norfff; we see things that others don’t, and we look very conspicuous sometimes.
Well, I thought about some things that I’d like to point out that sets us apart from the rest, starting with the obvious:

We love cars in the Norfff, it’s a given. If you’re born in the Norfff, you love cars and mags. They go hand in hand like Paris Hilton and sex tapes. We like to ‘pimp’ out our vehicles as much as possible. Whether it’s a new home-made spray painted wing on the back, or a big ass Monster sticker; we ‘pimp’ the shit out of it. Big exhausts are compulsory, and will be viewed in a serious light if you fail to have single or double coffee cans under your body. We dig it; it makes more noise for the chikas to notice us. A blue, neon light under the car is mandatory, but should be installed or duck taped under your vehicle if you own a Corsa or Golf. If you have racing stripes in your hair, a racing stripe is needed on your car – there’s no way out of it because you need the whole package.

Pretoria Noord

The look:
We have a distinct look that sets us apart and should be noted by all. We absolutely have to look buff; like John Cena buff. We should flex at least 28 times a day to show off our masculinity; if it’s in a crowd or church, all the better – more people to see the guns. We like shiny and luminous shirts or caps. They can be BP pink or lime green; we don’t give a fuck as long as we resemble a glow stick at a rave. Caps should also be worn at all times, preferably tilted a little to the side, and with the latest slogan accompanying it (try Tapout, Powerhouse and Ed Hardy). Tattoos are also a necessity. The more we look like we’re Sonny Bill Williams’s fore-arm, the better. Tribal tattoos and wires will suffice, and no inspirational quotes at all! Expect ‘Gaan Groot, My Bloed is Blou and Gangggsta For Life’.

Social Gatherings:
We indulge much like the rest of the world; we drink, we fight (okay more than other people) and we pass out. Our choice of beverages usually includes a few energy drinks to go with the stickers on our cars, and Zamalek. The cheapest Brandy specials usually determine our choice of bar. No brandy special = No Norfff-errs. Our parties start in a bar or around a fire, and usually end in the street with a fight about cars, rugby teams and whose girl is whose. We greet each other with a bro-hug and the compulsory back pat accompanying the following line: ‘Jiss ou, was jy laas naweek hier? Want ek was te dronk om te onthou’ or if you’re still in school, the fist pump works just as well. Rumor has it, that there are still guys out there who rock the thumb slap greeting, but I can neither confirm nor deny this rumor.

These items are probably the closest we get to the real world. We all have wallets and cell phones in our arsenal. But it’s what comes with them that sets us apart; wallets are usually filled with condoms – we like condoms because the Post Office gives them away for free. Our wallets also come with a chain that could keep a cruise ship anchored, and it should be hanging from your pocket or neck. The neck would be the preferable choice, because it shows you have money to spend… and a lot of condoms. I really can’t elaborate much about our phones because they usually don’t last long, they usually get broken, stolen and misplaced at the local pubs, but they do have a distinct alcohol-y smell accompanying them.

There you have it, my thoughts on the Norfff, and the rest of the world out there judging us. We are not so different… fuck me, we are actually…

This is a parody piece with no real scientific proof about any of the above; it was merely intended to enlighten the unenlightened, and poke a bit of fun, after all; I’m also a Norfff-er.

Due to the constant requests for more Norfff-y things; I will be doing a follow up post next week with more items. If you have any suggestions; drop us a comment below or an email.

Pretoria Norff