Now if you are following my blog or WhyIamEd on Twitter, you will know that on the weekend I got a serious black eye from an unfortunate incident where I got punched/elbowed in the face by one of my friends. He claims that it was a mere accident, but moving on. I have had this shiner now for 6 days and it is slowly but surely fading away. Saturday it looked horrible and it could have been easily mistaken for baby Sasquatch that was going to hatch out above my eye. Fortunately my eye did not give birth to a mythical beast but it did teach me that no matter how hard you try, it is damn near impossible to cover it up. Here are a few hints that might save your life one day:

Wear sunglasses, nothing hides your swollen retina holder better than shades. She will admire your taste in glasses while trying to remove them and you will try to resist while making up a excuse like you have pink eyes, if you happen to move into cover, aim for places where the sun is the brightest to justify your glasses indoors.

Did it hurt? I couldn’t see him!

Make up, you heard me, steal your lady’s make up kit and cover up. A point to remember is that no matter how fun that touch rugby game looks, don’t do it. Your make up will smear and that will be the end of your man card.

Wear a cap, try to get a Jack Parow cap, that thing is fucking long and will cover up any mishap on your face, chest or feet.

Eye patch, sure you will look like a pirate and be frowned upon. Oh wait, fuck the patch and just rock the black eye.

Get pink eyes, it will blend in with the blackness around your sockets…

Tell people you have taken up boxing and had an incident on your first training which resulted in *now you point at your black eye with a smirk*

That is all what I can come up with, some may really not work, I mean seriously don’t try and get pink eyes. It will only look more shit than your eye. The best possible resolution is probably to not try and get punched/elbowed in the face by a drunken friend.