A hangover has become a formality for people when the sun rises on a weekend morning; it is even frowned upon when you don’t wake up with one on a Saturday in some circles. They are truly some sort of punishment for a drunken debauchery night, why do we keep doing it? Why do we go bonkers almost every Friday or Saturday night, easy answer, because we fucking can!


But like all good things in life, it will come to an end some or other time, this is where that sly hangover comes in, where the babelas pixie shits in your mouth and slaps you on the head before you wake up (well that is my reason for the feeling). There is no real cure for it other than, don’t drink but who wants to do that. Here are a few hints and tips that may just save your life:

  1. Drinking as much water as you possibly can, downing that last Valpre bottle in the fridge will help set your stomach and drinking a glass of water after each drink works but don’t expect wonders because you will eventually forget about the glass of water and just take a tequila between each drink.
  2. Eat food before you drink, thinking that Vodka is made from potatoes and that you are killing two birds with one stone, will make you end up naked with a piece of polony under your arm in front of Nando’s.
  3. Don’t drink pink; there is a reason for that because they usually end up giving you the worst kind of hangovers.
  4. Before you stumble into your house like a zombie, make sure you got at least a 2 liter of Crème Soda by your bed, it really does work. Nothing like a cold groen ambulans when you are gasping for fluids.
  5. Opening your floodgates before you go to sleep can also make you feel a tad better, or at least you won’t end up sleeping in your own vomit on your bed sheets with Wagter eating it off your face, bad things happen to good people.
  6. Morning sex does subdue that hangover for a bit, try it. No kissing if fluids escaped your body where they came in beforehand.
  7. A big greasy breakfast with a ton of bacon does wonders for that kak feeling, combining morning sex and the big oily breakfast, even better.
  8. A big no-no before you go to slumber land would be eating anything with bread; you will wake up with heartburn and craving a packet of Rennie’s.
  9. Sleep outside, wait what? Yes sleep outside, you know that fucking muff feeling you get when no fresh air was in the room when you were dozing, it is due to a lack of oxygen to the brain. And no, sleeping naked outside the Nando’s with a piece of polony under your arm will not make you feel better at all.

If all else fails, which is usually the case; just open the next beer when you wake up. Stay drunk; avoid the hangover for a few more hours.