Now, when I was walking out of the gym, after a particularly tough session; I wasn’t exactly expecting to find that my car had been broken into. I just wanted to get in the car, put on some relaxing music for the drive home, and then just go and pass out on the nearest bed…


or friend

I tried unlocking my car door and found that the key wouldn’t turn, and knew instantly what that meant. See, this had been the second attempt to steal my car, however this is the first time you guys actually got something out of it. But I have to admit; Getting into my car by using the passenger-side door, and then maneuvering myself to the driver’s seat is just super fun!

Anyway, lets just recap what you got away with:

– wallet including;
– ID,
– driver’s licence,
– and bank card: to an account bereft of cash.
– radio: thankfully you left the remote, so I’ll have something to remember my radio by.
– broken drivers side door lock: I’ve seen someone open my car when I locked my keys inside, and they didn’t fuck up the lock… Lock-picking skill a bit low guys?
– did a hack-job on the ignition by ramming a screw-driver in: I’m guessing you didn’t see that flashing light under the steering wheel… That’s the Immobiliser. Should’ve probably gotten rid of that first, don’t you think?

Considering the fact that my wallet was fucking empty, the radio you guys took will probably fetch you 100 bucks and my bank card was to an account that also had no cash in: I’d think you probably feel like the dumbest fucks on earth right about now.



Now, I went to the police the next day (don’t worry, I think both you and I know they’re not gonna do a damned thing) just to get a case number to present to the insurance . After spending almost an entire day at the police office, trying to explain to them why I didn’t have my ID (because it was fucking stolen!) I found out that going through my insurance company would cost me more money than fixing the damage myself.

A special mention should be made about the wonderful car guard, who stood by and let you guys take your time. After asking him what the fuck he was doing while my car was being ransacked, he replied: “?????????????” I have no fucking clue what he said, but it didn’t seem like he knew what I was on about. I should have known better than to put my faith in someone who’s job description is walking around a lot, but looks too fat to move.

"Won't work; not even for food"

“Won’t work; not even for food”

But, I will give you guys props for one thing: at least you were kind enough to leave me my pack of smokes and lighter, I so happily left on the passenger seat. That way, when I figured out that all my shit was gone, I could have a relaxing smoke to calm my nerves. Criminals in South Africa; one or two still have a conscience. Ironically, the Zippo lighter you left behind, was probably worth more than all the stuff you stole…

I hope you use that 100 bucks you’ll get from fencing the radio to take some lessons in stealing shit. And, I know you have pictures of me from my licence and ID, please DO NOT use it as new masturbation material!

Oh, and if you feel like I said anything you don’t agree with; by all means tell me in the comments below 😉