Weekends are there for the taking, be it fun or miserable, it’s there for our enjoyment. And each weekend that greets us pose different challenges and adventures that can make you stronger and wiser. With that said, here are a few things that I gained more knowledge on and some just need to be noted again. If you throw up at someone else’s house, let’s be more specific here. If you open your floodgates in someone else’s bathroom, clean that shit up. No person on this dear planet of ours wants to put mop/toilet paper/towel to kotch that’s not their own. Watching DVD’s on a Friday night is not a crime, sure it may be frowned upon in some households but it can still be fun. The oldest person around a braai isn’t always right when it comes to the meat. If you stand under a tree in broad daylight with birds, you are bound to be shit on. If you eat a Dagwood and a chicken schnitzel, you will not feel well afterwards. Drinking at someone else’s house is fun and will provide hours of entertainment for you, if you drink someone else’s booze when you haven’t even opened yours yet without asking is considered to be a doos act. Don’t do that. When presented with a spoon full of hot sauce, gulping it down may leave you breathless and will have you swatting invincible flies before your mouth. The Chernobyl Diaries should not be watched in daylight, too many dark scenes. Will leave you with this burning question: “What the fuck just happened, where did that radioactive bear come from?” My bed doesn’t make any noises. If you live in South Africa and have never lived in another country other than ours for more than 3 years, and you watch rugby, you have no right to support another team other than the Springboks when they play. If you are a big mouth and then burn your meat at a braai, don’t expect any sympathy. You won’t get any. Hanging biltong that has marinated in vinegar and Worcester sauce for a few days will get you dirty and smelling like a gypsy orgy gone wrong. It’s always better waking up next to someone than alone on these cold winter mornings. The human body is the best source of heat, except molten lava. A Boerboel is a cute big dog, not so much when you have drool suspenders after it jumped on you. Next week Monday is a public holiday, fuck you normal week. Almost there people!