Eskom. Damn Eskom! And in the Norfff! How dare they!? How dare they loadshed during big rugby games!? How dare they melt the ice for my brandy!? How dare those fuckers turn off my backyard/braai area spotlight!

Hierdie vrae word elke naweek gevra deur talle Norfff-ers wat moord wil pleeg as Eskom hulle krag (siel) afsit. The Norfff isn’t happy about it. You may ask yourself, “Isn’t this the same everywhere in South Africa?” No! It’s not! If you’ve been to the Norfff, you know people are serious about their branna and rugby-time. You don’t fuck with them, otherwise you’ll get the Blou Bul-horns. People in the Norfff cannot function properly without their electricity. When the lights go out, the inner-bliksem comes out: they will swear and throw things around. Beware!

People in the Norfff have ‘darem’ prepared for loadshedding in a sense: they will dress in their favourite Piti-broekie and Blou Bul shirt right before the game, place a loop-dop in the car, and erect their Bulls’ flag on the bakkie. So, if the shit hits the fan, they can jump in the car and quickly drive somewhere else to watch the game. It’s true, I’ve seen it happen a few times. Krag weg, bakkies af in die pad.

But some of those Norfff-ers refuse to believe that loadshedding exists and don’t prepare…

This is what happens with these select few:

1. Busy marinating a lekker rump steak and throwing the branna ‘ekstra sterk’ before the game.

2. Fire is a go! Rump on the braai while Naas is busy dissecting the game, and talking about the game “starting upfront…”

3. Electricity goes out.

4. All hell breaks loose. Jack Parow’s vocabulary would be proud.

5. If you’re not rooting for the Bulls, you sommer get kakked out, and are now to blame for all of Eskom’s problems.

6. Candles are lit, and more swearing ensues as they fall over every mentionable object in the house. The spouses are to blame for the furniture in the house “not being where it should be.”

7. The SuperSport App gets downloaded.

8. More swearing while the rump slowly turns black, unnoticed by the Norfff-ers.

9. The ice has melted, and the brannas tastes like the watered-down versions that are usually served in the deep Norfff bars.

10. At this time, the Norfff-ers have bumped into 4 different couches from every angle possible, swore at the guy with the Cheetahs shirt, and stepped on the dog… twice.

11. The rump is a perfect piece of charcoal at this point, the ice is finished, and Oom Kabous’ blue paint is starting to drip off due to all the tears flowing down his cheeks.

This is the reality that we have to live with in the Norfff. This may also apply to Brakpan, Pofadder and Pretoria West.

If you feel in any way offended by this post, don’t worry, my dad is as well 😉