We’re back for our slightly almost festive edition for the Norfff chronicles: we’ve covered almost everything there is to the Norfff – from girls to the Blou Bulle. This week we’ll be bringing you the way we road trip (when we drive past ‘Die Duikweg’ it’s classified as a road trip) and what to take with if you want to make it that little bit more special. It may be frowned upon but it’s the way we do it! ‘So hou vas Pappie, hier kom marrakas!’

Prepping:

Road trip prepping is essential to any Norfff-er, and I don’t mean by checking the pressure in the tires or if the oil is still black and still in a liquid form; no, we do that every night before we dice in Brits Road to the O’Hagans. I’m talking about letting every single person know that we’ll be hitting the road: this will be done over Facebook where we tag more than twenty people (Note: Some of them aren’t even going with) with a motivational line. Example: ‘We are goings to Bronkhortspruit for the weekends with X, Y, Z and 27 other people. Stay safe and remember that driving kills.’ Most of the quotes accompanying the actual status have no meaning whatsoever; a little Bible verse in the end also sometimes does the trick. Now that you’re settled in and every other person and their family in Australia know you’re going away, comes the real fun.

Packing:

We have to pack: we pack the most essential things for the trip, Booze, cigarettes, cans of spaghetti, backward Tapout cap and cotton ‘onnas’ are usually the most important things. If you have those things packed, you can maybe work around the rest. Packing should also be done while being intoxicated, because who the fuck wants to move stuff when you’re sober? One thing to remember in this packing stage is that everything brought out to the Datsun and laying on the ground next to the vehicle will be packed in no matter what. If ‘Wagter’ accidentally walks past, he will be coming with. Now that you’re packed in and Wagter’s sitting on the fishing rods, we can start the actual tripping.

packed-car

Snacks for the road:

Humans have to eat, Norfff-ers have to eat and smoke. Norfff-ers pillage the two BP’s right before we hit the road: energy drinks, Takkie’s Biltong and Sharp would be the preferred choice – with Choice condoms if someone gets lucky. We’ll also take food from our homes on the trip, this may include orange halves (They do it in Rugby games?) and boiled eggs – which in my honest opinion is a fucking stupid move since boiled eggs only spell bowel problems that may rot up the car. But some people are smart; as soon as they feel the wrath of the Spar eggs escaping their ass cheeks and everyone piles out of the windows looking like a goldfish on dry land while the drivers swerves across the road to avoid the stench, the perpetrator will calmly comment that the clutch has got to be worn out and may be burning up, and that has to be what is causing the smell.

Beats for streets:

Music. The most essential ingredient to make any road trip a booming success! The music can also be man made via instruments that you brought with: a ‘mondfluitjie’ while ‘Wagter’ is howling will shed a few tears but we’re taking about the albums that should be played in any Norfff trip. Any album that has the following words in the title will do: Sokkie, Bok, Darren, Bokjol, Treffers and Hofmeyer. The preferred language is Afrikaans, but a little bit of English mixed into it like ‘Baby Tjoklits’ works just as well. A mental note that should be made and never forgotten; the tape player gets hot after a few hours while ‘Skarumba’ is on repeat, you don’t want to fuck up the whole trip by not having your Juanita handy. Music should also be played loud, and I mean loud, we tend to think that we invented decibels, that’s why we earned the right to play it as loud as possible.

Next week we’ll be doing part two of the Road trip 101 for the Norfff. So hang around, you might hate the next piece just as much.