We’re here to bring you another exclusive peek into the strange and (insert energy drink here) fueled world of the Norfff. We brought you the first three parts; and we can’t stop making fun… or rather exposing the truth from our side of the Magaliesberg. This week we will be all up on your screen with relationships, jobs and our manner of saying things:

First up…

Relationships:

We, like all humans, have relationships; be it with our car, newly acquired Crocs or our signed Wetter ‘Die Boksburg Breker’ du Toit Tapout shirt. We have them, but this week, we will be diving into relationships with our fellow humans. You see, we do the whole first date thing by taking a lady to our family braai next to our Wendy – like all civilized people, and afterwards on a ‘lekker spin’ down Voortrekker. We do this, because we know ladies like a rough man who has a soft side for his family. Norfff couples always go out on weekends; there’s no way around it. We usually visit our favourite watering hole with other couples after a nice pan of fish and chips at Ocean Basket. We also have this habit of getting engaged after three months – or rather, talking about it like there’s no other person in the world for you, who can change a flat like Giel. The engagement usually also comes right after the pregnancy test comes back positive, so you’re basically forced into the above by her twice divorced dad and this week’s step-mom. One more thing to remember is that if you get engaged to a Norfff guy; you have to post about it on Facebook right after he asked you otherwise the engagement will be void.

brace-yourselves-the-engagement-pictures-are-coming

Jobs:

We have day jobs too (well most of the time), that we slave away in the week for, it’s a given. But if you look closely, you’ll notice that most of the people working in the Norfff, usually got their ‘degree’ or ‘diploma’ at the company that they work for. For instance: Maggie who works at Beautiful Hair, has a diploma in hairdressing and putting in curlers from Beautiful Hair; it’s a win-win situation. Another thing that’s quite obvious, is the fact that we usually work for our parents, earning an allowa… salary. We must also have a braai every Friday during office hours; we will have a ton of work to do, but if the beers, buns and braaivleis are rolling in, fuck it! Most notable jobs in the Norfff for the past three years, have been an executive sales consultants (we throw an executive in there to sound fancy – although we don’t know what that means entirely), fixing vehicles dating back to the stone age in our backyard, barman at a bar that has two regular drunk oomies, and working for the place with the ad in the Rekord that requires you to have a good personality and earn up to R12 000 cash a month. Yes that, even though we haven’t seen a paycheck in nearly four months.

Things we say:

swearing

We like to say ‘fok’, ‘bliksem’, ‘hoer’ and ‘p#@s’ in the Norfff more than other people. It’s like we were born with toddler books filled only with F O K and K A K next to pictures of dogs and other furry animals. We also like to refer to females as animals for some reason; they will usually be called Duifie, Bokkie and Skatlam. We also tend to throw around the word ‘Eish’ into every sentence because let’s face it, it was from our favourite ad because they were advertising brandy. Most of the Norfff-ers usually don’t speak any language other than Afrikaans, except for the guy that owns the Fruit and Veg, and the Asian ‘Cheap Hi-Fi’s and iPhones on Sale’ that owns the shop next to Spar. We speak Afrikaans; it’s in our blood. But if we do switch over to speak a bit of English (‘Taal van die vyand’, as some people call it) we tend to sound like a Golf 1.6 struggling to get into gear, and all you hear is the RRRR in every sentence. A typical Norfff, trying out the English language will sound something in the line off: ‘Hello Misterrrr, hows you beings today, I wourd like to orrrrderrrrr annn burrrgaaarrr wiffs ekstraaa jeez and a ‘dik’ fokken packs of skyfies. D’you get my point? Our vocabularies are about as big as we believe our arms to be.

There you have it, next week we will be extracting more bits of information regarding the Norfff, and if you’re offended by any of this, then I suggest you go fuck yourself. Till next week, keep it Norfff!