Well, sex has always been with us and is never going away. However, there are some people that find this, the most glorious of acts “boring”… Enter sex toys.

Here are a few (pretty fucked up) little inventions designed to “enhance the sexual experience”: Please note that it is NOT SAFE FOR WORK.

“Electro-Sex Gloves Set”

Now, this piece of hardware is perfect for anyone that has ever looked at a lightning strike and gone: “Holy fuck that’s sexy!” there must be many such people, for someone to invent this piece of sexual torture.

This is what someone selling this thing said on their site: “perfect for those interested in electro-play, but not ready for any insertion.” Now I’m no expert but, I’m pretty sure there are allot less fucked up ways to excite your partner.

Ah, just look at the lightning, it’s teasing me

“Kaylani’s Foot Fetish”

I would prefer to believe that people that get off on feet, do not exist. Yet, there is allot of evidence to prove that they do… like the amazingly creepy “Kaylani’s Foot Fetish”.

The worst birth defect ever

Okay, I know there are many people with a little too much love for the humble foot, but I think this is taking it a little too fucking far! For the observant among you; yes, that is in fact a vagina… on the heel… of a rubber foot…

Hooded Spandex Full Body Binder Sack

Well here’s one guaranteed to rev up your engines; just imagine the kinkiness of stuffing your partner into a big sack and then… Nah fuck it; I just can’t say anything like that about this next piece without dying from laughter. Please enlighten me (or rather don’t), how the fuck, is being put into a spandex sack, then being zipped up inside in any way getting you off!?

Oh look honey it is my colour

Well, it seems there are yet more completely messed up people in this world of ours that I didn’t know of. Here’s a quote from the site selling it: “Enclosure and Mummification fans are really in for something special here.” Yes, you read that right; MUMMIFICATION fans… what the fuck people!?

“Simply Delicious PVC Ballgag”

Alright ball gags are not as messed up as the previous products, but… fuck look at the name! “Simply Delicious”, really!? I must admit that after a long day, doing whatever, there is nothing I enjoy more than having a tasty PVC gag stuffed in my mouth…

See, even she loves the sweet taste of ball… gags

Here’s a fun little quote from the site: “It’s great for biters and chewers and you can actually take a bigger gag than you normally would”. Well, maybe I’m being a little too harsh but, I don’t think the word “normally” should ever be used to describe anything sold on that site.

“Clone-a-Willy Kit”

 

If you’re at all like me, you also feel that your manhood is so awesome that it would be a shame to keep it to yourself. Now, you don’t have to keep your epic man-flesh hidden from the world anymore with this ingenious invention.

Glow-in-the-dark… just like my willy

None of you will ever understand the horror of trying to find the above picture, using google images, with safe search turned off… Scarred for life anyone?

Oh and for those wondering… Yes, there is also a “Clone-a-Pussy kit”. Try and find that picture with safe search turned off.

Finally the most bizarre and completely fucked-up-looking contraption…

The “Accommodator Latex Dong”

I’m at a bit of a loss for words at this one… I can only imagine that someone that has grown up wishing, that they had a penis as a chin would really love it.

“eating out” has never been creepier

This, after a bit of thinking, could actually be pretty useful, but still amazingly vomit inducing.

There you have it; some of the strangest, most perverted and slightly ingenious inventions to help you spice it up in the bedroom… or dungeon (whatever floats your boat). Seeing that we are still on the topic of sex, check out this post for a chance to win a bottle of brandy. I’m going to sit in the corner of my room and cry now.

  • Ed

    Tank this is one messed up post, why the fuck would anyone buy this shit?

    • Honestly, I have no idea… excuse me while I clone my “willy”…