So we all know South Africa’s political parties dance their way to generate votes (only in Africa eh?), and we see them constantly busting out their moves in the streets. But have we ever tried to judge them on their slick dancing abilities?

No! We have never! And that’s a shame really, because some of them can really bust a move, or can they? We here at Why Ed decided to construct a little ‘Dance-Off’ between the political parties and see how the judges react. It’s also fitting that we chose the judges from Idols – even though we don’t really watch Idols. We have gone with the judges we actually know, namely, Gareth, Mara and Randall.

The judges will look at each party’s dance moves to see how they fare, and give us some insights on how they did.

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First up, we have the ruling party. Viva, ANC, viva!

*Dancing commences. They get a bit out of hand, but keep following each other blindly in the dance routine. The stage equipment receives a bit of damage.*

Gareth: ‘I like the determination in the moves, and the singing wasn’t too bad either. I also like the fact that all of you showed up, but there’s not enough space on stage. Could do with some more variety; you keep on doing the same routine over and over again.’

Mara: ‘My beauties, I loved it! I love the fact that you brought fire into the routine, but did you have to light up the other contestants’ t-shirts? Was that planned or spontaneous?‘

Randall: ‘I didn’t like it. You only did what the previous person did, and slipping money under the table during the dance routine didn’t help your cause.’

*The ANC quickly elects a spokesperson*

ANC: ‘We have no knowledge of this alleged money, or the fire in the routine. But a commission will be opened to investigate these claims, and we still want to protest the fact that we only have 2586 supporters in the crowd.’

Next up, we have the DA!

*They start their routine off by sending SMS’s to all the judges, informing them to stop corruption with their votes. They start off with a lead lady but quickly switch over to another leader as their priorities are not the same if they win the dance-off*

Gareth: ‘I don’t know what to make of this, you showed such promise in the beginning and then it fell quite flat. I felt a little blue after watching it.’

Mara: ‘My beauties, I enjoyed the routine. Your performance reminded me so much of Tony Leon when he was still in his prime.’

Randall: ‘It was okay. The shit didn’t hit the fan, or yourselves. Not the best, but not the worst either. Mediocre performance. The only thing I liked was Tannie Helen’s Bantu routine she brought in at the end.’

*The DA walks off the stage and joins the next group – The EFF – briefly in a warm up dance to show some support*

Next up, we have the new party: The EFF

*Wasting no time, the EFF start off with a quick dance routine, showing signs to the opposing group – the ANC – before concentrating on their own routine. It looks half militarized, but the three people people in the crowd who are dressed in similar attire seem to be enjoying it.*

Mara: ‘My beauties, I like the red, but some more colour wouldn’t do any harm. The routine started off good, but it felt like you were concentrating more on the other people than on your own dance. Aah, you have so much youth in your league!’

Gareth: ‘I didn’t like it at all. You can’t dance to ‘Oops I nationalized it again’, it’s too hard to nail, and so out of your range. Rather stick to something easy, you won’t cut it at this level.’

Randal: ‘You didn’t even try. You thought you’d just show up and everyone would give you a good rating? It doesn’t work like that.’

*The EFF are flabbergasted that they didn’t receive a better rating, they continue dancing in anyway*

Next up, we have AGANG!

*Nobody showed up*

Mara: ‘My beauties…’

Okay let’s skip to the next act, the VF!

*The VF show up, protest calmly that the name Dancing Idols should be changed to Dans Partye. They vow to apply for a court application to change the name after their routine. They start with their dance, but in a stick like manner*

Gareth: ‘Why so serious? It’s dancing, not the end of the world. Look, It was alright, more heart next time. And just stop blaming the other dancers for distracting you, it’s not classy.’

Mara: ‘My beauties, I can see you tried really hard, but it lacked a bit of real support.’

Randall: *Refuses to say anything*

And lastly, we have COPE

*Cope starts off with two people leading the dance routine, neither wants to give way… they end off the routine before it starts with both of them leaving the stage*

With that, we conclude the dance off, tune in next month to see who won this competition – it’s your vote that counts.

– This is a parody post, if you can’t see it. Shame.