With Oppikoppi headed our way at full speed, and our terrified livers quivering in our bodies, we can’t help but feel excited. Sure this year’s international line-up is somewhat lacklustre when compared to last year’s, but it’s still Oppikoppi, and it’s sure to be one hell of a festival!

Most people who will be attending the festival for the first time might feel a little scared, largely because they have no idea what to expect. We understand how they feel, we were also Koppi-virgins at one point! So we decided to compile a list of things you should/need to do at Oppikoppi this year to ensure you make the most of your time at the festival!

– Bring friends. There are loads of new friends to be met at Koppi, but no one wants to drive to a festival alone.

– Stock up! Bring extra drinks. We can confirm that it’s really kak waking up with killer cottonmouth, and walking all the way to the entertainment area to grab something cold to pour in your face.

– Clothes, people! Forget the high heels and that R1700 white adidas hoody – no use for such materialistic items. Bring clothes you’re willing to get dirty, and won’t mind if they smell like a beer factory with just a hint of barf.

– Watch the bands, they’re there to entertain. Show them some support. Hell, you might even love them after the show!

– As jy nie dans nie is jy fokkol.

Photo by Henno Kruger. Running Wolf's Rant

Photo by Henno Kruger. Running Wolf’s Rant

– If it’s warm and a meter from you, it’s nice. But If it’s hot and above your head… put it out! Fires are to be kept at knee height, because honestly, who wants to spend their Oppikoppi stuck in the medic-tent with third degree burns? Dust and boo-boo’s don’t mix very well.

– Take care of the environment, and it’ll take care of you. The thorn bush in the road didn’t go out of his way to hurt you.

– For the love of all that is good, eat something at the festival! The food stall people at the festival are your friends, they do not want to hurt you.

– Have a backup for EVERYTHING. If you’re getting lucky, and your condom tears mid-hump, take out another one to complete the task at hand. If you lose your squeegee bottle, don’t try to enter the entertainment area with a can or bottle.

– Pitch your tent or have your sleeping area ready ASAP. It really sucks trying to work out where point Z and X on the tent arch come together in the middle of the night – especially if you’re hammered. If you’re sleeping in your vehicle – ALA surfer dude style – remember to have your keys handy; knocking out your windows may be a breath of fresh air, but the shattered glass won’t be.

Now, forget everything you read, and go have fun! Party like it’s the end of the world. You don’t need advice from us, we’ve broken at least four of the above-mentioned rules in one weekend.