Reading through yesterday post I can only think that the people reading it was like, what the fuck was he on about. I don’t know, really I don’t. Was in a bad place and time, much like a blood orgy in the middle of the bush involving Rasputin and Oprah. But enough of that, I am back on Why Ed in full force, well hopefully. I am still involved in a little side project that may or may not be a success. I have missed writing, well I have missed entertaining similar minded people like me. Chapter one, check. Making progress on getting back on the horse. With all my focus now shifted to the most important dates on the calendar (excluding my Birthday that was on 18 May, shame on you if you didn’t congratulate me), the excitement that Oppikoppi brings out of me is something to behold. I get happier each year when the festival approaches and reminisce about the previous years’ memories. I will be covering a interesting few things in the next days, something that might be helpful or useless as a cock flavored lollipop to you. Things that you don’t do at Oppikoppi: Never ever ever ever ever ever ever rock up without a ticket or cash, you will forever be remembered as that guy. Drink on the way to Koppi if you are a driver, you will get caught, locked up and miss out. The cops may look friendly when they pull you over but will treat you like a criminal when you are over the limit. Stage diving is awesome: You feel like a hero, you look like a soaring eagle and you will fall flat on your face if you are not in the band playing on stage. Mordor/District 9 is the camping area, don’t complain about the lack of luxuries. Because what you see is what you get. If you want more, book into the Kreef hotel, it is lovely. Be friendly to your camping neighbors, being a total doos to everyone around you sucks and you will get hit by edible flying objects. Jumping over the fire may seem like you are an Olympic athlete, but doing it while you are hammered and unable to hold a beer bottle. Let’s just say that you most probably will be singing Ring of Fire the next day in the medic tent. Don’t eat from the bush, going all Bear Grylls on the farm may result in you seeing more of the backside of the shitter that you will like. Picking fights is dumb, but the worst is sitting in the chill out room on the farm hearing people enjoying themselves on the outside. (It does exist!) Complain when your Apple Ipad 3 or your Macbook Pro gets lost. You took the risk of taking it with, now deal with it. The security are there to protect you, don’t be the one they are protecting others from. Going all out in the first night that you arrive may be the rock star like attitude but a good athlete always knows that you have to pace yourself for the marathon. Don’t go making sweet tender love without a condom, reality is that you or your partner may have washed your genitals a few days ago and may be covered in a sandy like substance. And don’t forget the all important STD’s and babies. So cover your tool. Pets should be left at home like the animals in the bush. They may not enjoy the beer fuelled adventures as you. Don’t under no circumstances ever throw a gas bottle in the fire, the pretty fireworks that you have in your mind will ultimately make you lose a limb or an eye. Burn down your campsite on the first day *FAIL see point 6 and 14. These are the most basic points that I have actually witnessed on my previous expeditions at the holy ground that is Oppikoppi. Keep an eye out for the do’s of Koppi, coming soon!