It will be so hard to put the awesomeness that was Koppi into a blog post, I really can not justify what happened in those 4 days in words, but I will sure as hell try.

Basically it started with us driving through to Northam out of Pretoria at 17-30, it was me, Ballie, a trailer and R1400 worth of alcohol that would be finished by the end of the experience. It was a very chilled drive with no real cars on the road, but we stopped at the KFC just kilometers away from the entrance to get some food. That’s when the first stomach ache laugh broke out, this comment floated from Ballie while eating our chicken wraps: “Vanaand kots ek hoender en p$#s”. It was brilliant to say the least and that with only 2 beers down the drain.

If you ever arrived at the campsite in the night you will know which dilemma struck us now, we could not find our buddies or the tents that they pitched up for us. Eventually we found what we seeked, while driving in through the bush’s anus I struck a little wee log that ripped my mud flap off my car with such a vengeance… what could I do but throw it in the boot and left the worry for Monday.

That night consisted of us starting a fire that would be a pyromaniac’s wet dream and consumed enough beer to keep a bread factory out of business for a few hours. And Ballie got a tattoo, ON THE FIRST NIGHT! With all this tattoo commotion going on I though about getting a refill at the campsite (keep in mind I was already a few beers in the trailer and have not wandered the Oppi roads in the day or alone this year), so I basically walked around the whole time while he got a tattoo searching for a fucking needle in a haystack. No I never found the tent, but my face found a big log, it was right behind a hole in the ground. So I came back to the tattoo tent and he was finished, I was lost for 2 hours in the dark of night.

Breakfast consisted of Black Death and Tequila (Pieter poured about every liquor he could find every morning in this little Jagermeister tube and swallowed it without a care in the world, Breakfast for a champion). It was later on mixed with a tot of OBS to make it more drinkable. (Also remember that strong booze was kept in the shade, our campsite’s cooler bag if you had to put a name on it)

Friday was very crazy day, honestly I can not remember what went down except our friendly neighbors hating us with a passion (I apologize people, but it was Oppikoppi). We drank, we sang, we fucked up, we swore and missed Van Coke Kartel…. But a few of our friendly camping buddies decided that night there will be no peace for anyone, screaming “P$&S” and “TIETE PIETER” till 7 o’clock the next morning was in their agenda, and they did not disappoint.

What struck me was all the shit lying around the campsite every damn morning, condoms which I presume belonged to Poena, old pieces of boerewors, a spatula, blue socks, Pierre, slops and a very lonely empty tent that was not used for sleeping but other naughty things… Sies!

Saturday morning and afternoon was filled with brandy which caused a little bit of memory failure. We hid from the sun under the trees in front of the James Phillips main stage. We watched Haggis and Bong, very cool intro with a fuck load of people walking on stage playing drums and bagpipes all dressed in traditional Scottish uniforms, if they had swords it would have looked like the fight scenes in Braveheart, no kidding.

We went to the Red Bull stage and we danced when the sun said goodbye, I remember shaking my booty and seeing Poena trying to ass grind the security guard….legendary. Beats were pumping as well as my poor Oppikoppi card, spent R140 at 2AM, I honestly I don’t know what I bought; I presume it was alcohol or a Schwarma.

Saturday night was probably the funniest evening by far and dubbed POENA’S night. He made a special girl never forget her 21st…….and we reminded him the next day, the whole day. As far as the night went according to him he asked her to go to “his” tent for her birthday present. He got what he wanted, she definitely got what she wanted and a tutu (hers I presume) was left at the entrance to his love cave….actually it wasn’t even his tent. It was the closest though because when the POENA is ready, you better make way for him. Later on we hanged the tutu in our tree to show Poena’s prize to all the surrounding campers. It is the pink and purple thing in the tree in the pictures.

Sunday morning came and we dreaded the sunlight, it was overcast for a while but it disappeared as soon as the bands started. Again we laid in the shade and it looked now like the whole of Koppi wanted to see Die Tuindwergies, they did not disappoint, I loved every moment of their show. Very chilled vibes, but what boggled my mind was the fact that I have never seen Pieter de Jager (leadsinger) with a shirt in my life. Saw him play the show shirtless and Saturday night he was rocking shorts with slops, still no shirt.

By this time Pieter (the other one) who had not worn shoes since he got to Oppikoppi was a dirty camper, his feet resemble a Hobbit’s in Lord of the Rings and he continued like that the whole festival. Very brave indeed, he also had a very nice moment where he was sitting (actually hanging on for dear life with his back to the chair) saying “Strafdop” for every question directed at him. Brilliant!

I could say that Dance you’re on fire, Wrestlerish and Die Heuwels Fantasties were amazing, but I missed them….wanted to see them so bad but we camped fucking far and I could not find the energy to walk to the shows. Sorry guys, belowe next time. Instead we had the treat of watching Poena swapping spit and fondling a random drunk girl’s breasts in front of everyone for quite a while, that was the second squeeze for him…Sorry Pieter we couldn’t stop Poena’s fun and don’t blame us.

Afterwards me, Niel (guitarist of We Killed Elvis), had to name drop so that I sound like a groupie and his lady watched David Kramer…we were singing “Stoksiel Alleen op ‘n Saterdag aand” and dancing like the world was going to end. David Kramer is a legend and he deserved the applause and crowd that he got at Oppikoppi!

After that we waited patiently for The Used, I say patiently because they were 30 minutes late. When they appeared on stage, it blew my mind. By far one of the greatest shows ever, fuck everyone that didn’t like it, it was awesome to say the least! Bert (lead singer) even got a “Ma se p@#s” in the middle of the show much to the delight of all the screaming fans. When it ended we went straight to the bar, avoiding Die Antwoord, who was horrible. They sounded shit, only when Jack Parow made a brief appearance on stage I could listen to it. So in other words Die Antwoord was bad, the sound was bad and the crowd seemed to notice it as well, but luckily The Tidal Waves saved my eardrums and rocked out, they deserved at least a spot on the main stage next year.*Note to self that I need to go watch them more.

After a brief refill which a 2 liter Coke bottle was used as a brandy flask at the campsite we were rocking out to Sum41 right in front of the crowd, saw a girl even spit deliberately into a fat shirtless guy’s face that was obstructing everyone’s fun….sorry dude but you sucked! They were alright but should have tried more Afrikaans, not even one “Oppikoppi” in their entire show. Such a damn shame actually.

After all this we partied, drank and sat around the fire admiring what a fine weekend that we had.

The drive home was dirty and my car stank like stale beer, but what made us laugh was all the people looking at our art impressions drawn in the dust of the car and trailer….FUCK and P%#S was my new paint job.

Next year will be awesome; I have no doubt about it at all. Hopefully all you reading this will join us next year to have a drunken “opskop in die stof”

Here is a nice gallery of what went down!

Ed