Music Festivals are moerse expensive.

Music Festivals make you choose between having a jol with your buds, or purchasing a set of new potte en panne. It’s a given if you’re in the working middle class – we can’t afford to go all out with every single event that pops up on our Facebook timelines. It would be awesome, but it’s just not possible. We usually save up for a few months to scrounge up enough bokke for travelling, food, and accommodation expenses. We purposely left out beverage costs, want dit neek mos jou budget in sy fuckyou in.

So, with all that in mind, we came up with a little list. This list will help you save an extra few rands at these festivals wherever possible so that you can attend a lot more of them. Follow these instructions to avoid having to say “ek is fokken broke, bra” every single time.

  • Koop jou ticket so vroeg as moontlik. Early-bird is jou vriend. Or even better, enter as many competitions that give away tickets to the event beforehand. Bloggers is jou beste opsie hier. Check die Facebook of Twitter van die event, daar is moer baie kalante en dames wat sulke competitions doen. Support jou local oukies met dit, hulle werk kliphard om dit op te stel vir julle.

 

  • Moenie ‘n drol wees en soos kiepie alleen na die festival deur skiet nie. Carpool to AND FROM the festival. Why do you want to brave the road alone? It’s lekker meeting new people (make sure that they’re trustworthy and don’t want to flay you alive and wear your skin as a suit) and to save on fuel costs. There’s always someone looking for a lift to an event or need people to drive with. You’re in the same festival-boat, ask them.

 

  • Stock up! Nie zombie apocalypse nie, maar vat jou blikkies kos, vat jou Pilchards (as jy een van daardie mense is wat dit op bruin brood eet), en koop by Fanie se Lekker Liquors as jy moet. Dit kan jou ten minste so paar rand spaar want jy GAAN hoenderborsie trek en baie spend by die bar so 11 uur die aand. Moenie dit deny nie, dit gebeur met die beste van ons. Just don’t read any SMSes the next morning… dik traane as gevolg van daardie lady wat agter jou good looks aan was gisteraand by die bar.

 

  • Pace yourself. Jy kort nie 7 bottels tequila, 12 brannas, en twee kaste zamalek vir ‘n twee dag festival nie. Jy skiet jouself en jou bank rekening in die voet. Beplan so bietjie vooruit. Jy gaan ten minste ‘n kas bier kill vir die dag, en compensate sommer ook vir daardie tyd tussen 10pm – 3am wat jy The Hangover-effek uit volle bors doen.

 

  • Eat food. Eet ‘n snack hier en daar as jy by die festival is. Jy gaan honger word na 7 ure van straight dop en musiek, en dan wil jy ALLES koop. Spaar jou Randelas deur om behoorlik te eet. You don’t want to spend most of your money on 5 Mega Double Rib Burgers wifff cheese as jy net een regtig nodig het vir die dag. Dis oorgenoeg vir jou lyf, meneer.

    Die oproep na jou ma, na een van daardie aande

    Die oproep na jou ma, na een van daardie aande

  • Invest in a proper tent. Tents are your festival home away from home. Invest in a proper tent, not the one you used in Veldskool all those years ago. Proper tent with all the necessary pegs and kak. Jy koop so outjie een keer, en hy hou ‘n leeftyd – behalwe as jy dink dit is ‘n sprinkasteel 4uur die oggend. No “oh shit bru, I can’t make the festival ’cause I need a tent and don’t have money for it” attitude. If you’re that person, you deserve to sleep in your vehicle or op die grond… koud en alleen.

 

  • DO NOT BUY NEW CLOTHES FOR ANY FESTIVAL. Jy gaan dit opneek en fokken vuil maak! Jou klere in jou kas is fine. Just drop the Powerhouse T-shirt, dit lyk tos. Don’t go and buy an Eskimo jacket for a festival in December, dis dom, en die jacket gaan meer dop skoonmaak as enige iets anders. The only thing you can consider purchasing for the long run is a rain jacket – it’s cheap, and it will come in handy.

 

  • Expensive is lekker, but expensive is expensive. You’re going to drink and eat a lot. Stick with your regular brand of alcohol. Don’t go and splurge extra bokke on a brandy that’s older than you – you won’t give any flying F’s late at night about what is going into your body. Same with food, jinne. Wakker slaap tjoppers. Normal pizza R80 > Seafood pizza R150

 

  • Tjommies is kief, maar spons tjommies bly kak. Sponse is daardie ouens wat elke keer wil saamgaan, maar het altyd een of ander tos verskoning dat sy ma hom uit die huis geskop het, of dat hy ‘n moerse uitbetaling verwag van een of ander oom wat nou die Lotto gewen het. Hulle is altyd so amped om saam jou te party want hulle weet jou sakke is diep vir hulle. Drop daardie kak font, dis soos Comic Sans, maar erger. Tune hulle dat jy ten minste halfies gaan vir dop, chop, en fuel. Sien hoe vinnig betaal daardie Oom hom dan.

 

  • Werk in die aande as Chico by Spur vir ekstra geld. Vra jou ma vir sakgeld teen die 10de vir die maand. Fokkit, make a plan to attend these festivals. There’s no easy way to make it just happen, except if you have a trust-fund as big as the chicken coop at Nkandla. Jy gaan betaal champ, ons almal moet. So, as daar een of ander tyd weer so ‘n festival aan die gang is, kyk gerus hier, of op Grind Radio, Running Wolf’s Rant, Infinity, The Brothers Frost, Texx and the City, en MyCityByNight. Daar is talle ander, maar dit is jou werk om hulle te kry.

Indien hierdie van geen waarde vir jou was nie, drop a comment onder. Or if you have more to add, spoeg jou kommentaar ook hieronder.

If you would like to know what music festivals are happening in Zumfrica, check out this list.

Cover photo by Henno Kruger