So this is not an Oppikoppi Review. Inteendeel, die is ‘n stukkie van my lewe at Oppikoppi Odyssey – uit die eyes van ‘n garnaal! Ek het die stukkie in Afrikaans en Engels gedoen omdat julle tweetalig is – en meeste mense so by Oppikoppi gepraat het.

I thought by becoming a prawn – dit was my sewenede keer in Norfffham – would be a good thing, want ek doen dit mos elke jaar. Brave fokken rammetjie-uitnek! So this journey started on Wednesday morning with bags packed, tente in die kattebak, elke jaar se effies wat stof weer gaan gader, en alcohol to fry us up in the dusty pan.

We entered the gates of Mordor/District 9/The Frying Pan of Prawns, and set up camp. Niks het by die entertainment area gebeur nie, en die garnale was besig om heerlik te bak in die son. We met a guy in a Hawaiian tutu who was happy to serve us ‘micro waved-beer’… van lekker lag kom lekker kots mannetjie! Dank die stof gode dat ons ‘n beer pong tafel saamgevat het; the table had saved many a life of wandering prawns waiting to be dished up.

10561631_10204488520232556_8169777546633430439_nOns het lekker gelag en ook groot gepraat van die volgende paar dae – Oppikoppi is mos waar jy kak met jou lewer aanjaag! What we noticed was all the guys walking around with dildos – daardie tril gaan jou niks help nie sport, Koppi gaan jou drill no matter what.

Toe Donderdag oggend aangebreuk het was almal regop en oppad na die fees area: people were happy and quickly ran to the festival ticket booth to jump the masses. Magies vol, ogies wa-wyd oop. First up, we had State Society opening the festivities, en na dit, ‘n klomp harde metaal manne wat hulle gevolg het. Wie se Oppikoppi is nie vir swart geklee kopskudders nie?

Wrestlerish was volgende aan die beurt met hulle laaste show. Prawns and The Kreef, united to pay homage for their last show. Girls were crying for the band… of dit was dalk Werner se baard wat hulle emosies uitgelok het? Voor ons die aand depart het, het ons onder andere eers ons broers van die Norfff aanskou. Boargazm was fucking amazing. I’ve seen them before in their backyard, Wolmer Events Arena, but this was a first for me seeing them on a bigger stage. Hulle het behoorlik die mense aan die gons gehad met hulle spek-manewales! Goed gedaan seuns! We only managed to catch glimpses of the rest of the bands as we traversed the Koppi. Man as Machine destroyed the stage, as well as Newtown Knife Gang debuting their new single. Daar was ook ander bands wat ons be-oog het maar julle ken mos die storie: “Awesome band, do you know who they are?” “Nee champ, maar as jy nie dans nie is jy vokkol.”

Ongelukkig het die afgeblaaste opblaas-matras my geroep, en die bullet was deur die kerk!

1972307_10204488521792595_162137205099691181_nWhen we awoke on Friday, we were greeted by the news that Poena had quite a night as he fell/poesed off the first storey from the Windhoek bar on the top of the hill – die stof het darem gesorg vir ‘n sagte plekkie om te land. Dis mos hoe dit gedoen word? Jy bliksem mos oor elke klippie en sy maat by Oppikoppi – niemand word gespaar nie. After a quick visit to Braaiboy and his wors, we were ready for the orkeste.

The Olympic was aan die brand by Wesley’s Dome, asook Matthew Mole met daardie dierbare stem van hom. Ons het angstig gewag vir Mr. Cat and the Jackal, wie die prawns aan die dans gehad en geen kak gevat het nie. Daar was sommer ‘n tannie en oom wat ge-langarm het langs ons. Dit wil gedoen word!

Volgende op was Van Coke Kartel, en mense, wat ‘n opvoering. Die manne van die Kaap het gewys hoekom hulle so hoog geag is. The music was so good that the clothes on some people’s bodies decided to abandon their owners, and the crowd was treated to some spectacular… uhm… “views.” PhFat het ook gesorg vir lekker beats, from the Red Bull Stage to the main stage in ‘n paar maande. Mense het die musiek behoorlik ingeneem. Daar was ‘n eenparige besluit om terug te keer kamp toe, en sommer die Fake Leather Blues Band vanaf my kamp stoel te luister. So we weren’t physically there, but we could could hear every single word of the show. It sounded like one hell of a party/makietie.

10603729_10204488522992625_5982067012474827710_nThe next morning, as soon as the sun peeked over Norfffham’s horizon, we were up and ready for the day. Jy kan nie laat slaap by Oppikoppi nie: ons is mos almal fokken bang ons mis iets. Drinks gegooi; brannewyn sonder ys sal maar moet doen vir die laaste dag. Bandeleros was op die main stage toe ons die fees terrain binne getree het. They had a huge audience and we decided to watch them from the top, as one does. After a few good hours after watching the music (Sean Brand se mos dit?), we caught glimpses off Albert Frost & Dan Patlansky jamming. I even heard someone mentioning that “Dan Patlansky is ‘n musiekale inspinasie vir ons almal,” en ons kan net saam stem! Shortstraw and aKING kept the shellfish entertained, and had people singing along with each and every word.

Ek kan se dat ek Wolfmother en The Editors gesien het… maar ek sou lieg. Ek kon hulle hoor van die kamp plek af, maar teen daardie tyd was die ou lyf in sy moer in. Dorings in my hande, gesig en my voete het gevoel soos die van Nick Bester na die Comrades. Ek was klaar, en fokken vuil. Al wat ek kon doen was om in my kar te klim en in die prawn-posisie te probeer slaap.

Thank you Oppikoppi! You took all the prawns/Kreef in, served us up on a plate, sprinkled us with dust, and added alcohol for the taste. Tot weer siens Oppikoppi, jy was ‘n rowwe bliksem!

I’m not going to post photos of the acts, as you’ve seen them all. Rather, check out the photos below taken from the perspective of a prawn, and what we see from the frying pan each and every day – Photos by Cherise Scheepers.

10576986_10204237263709820_41243244284542775_n

10612669_10204493119627538_8848516523693329435_n 936661_10204488528112753_44025304381096216_n  10007435_10204493030825318_6591399748139813686_n 10348368_10204488263586140_5988365010257894263_n 10360340_10204493091346831_3090325005298880576_n 10425036_10204488554993425_5560422164057449542_n 10444452_10204488283306633_3286918383733652486_n 10553475_10204493117747491_5464483352577671228_n  10599498_10204493021065074_7968598512598913325_n  10609720_10204237237629168_7505498156379495089_n 995062_10204237236629143_5565840779305752536_n 10349208_10204237222188782_5140650782160279246_n 10412059_10204493106387207_7485707894530396460_n 10557341_10204488556873472_7562466346922530641_n  10592958_10204493034585412_2436506892193443937_n10616242_10204237222628793_3766183046269420062_n 1535527_10204488524872672_5780694442421297027_n 1554629_10204488552273357_707616464561465389_n 10383636_10204488518112503_8527467039225440470_n 10464157_10204488288506763_5809495615651246489_n 10534105_10204488556233456_8917601051354225038_n 10547618_10204488553593390_3351447162327133028_n 10557355_10204237235549116_4045990079220219501_n 10559907_10204488529152779_7397158755890205471_n 10580162_10204237221028753_1025312998457703820_n 10593185_10204237221668769_7479172544422566551_n