It’s time once again, for our monthly event calender! I’ll put aside the fact that I haven’t slept in the last 48 hours, and try to give you all the info you’ll need to make this March the best March of 2013… This will arguably be the most awesome month of the year, with the possible exception of August (’cause OPPIKOPPI). This years RAMfest looks like it’s going to be the best one yet, and with Skrillex set to take the stage for the first time ever in SA, there’s more than enough eargasm-causing awesomeness to hold you over for the next few months.

Friday 1 March – March of the Gods Tour

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This is going to be the ultimate event for some rip-your-heart-out-and-eat-it, face melting METAL! The event will be held at Wolmer Bush Lodge, and will feature the heaviest bands from around Africa, including; WRUST, Metal Orizon, Stellawood Decapitation, Juggernaught and two others. So bring your booze, your camping chairs, and your mosh-pit gear; It’s gonna be one hell of a show.

Drunk Rating: Drunk enough to forget about the permanent spinal-chord damage, caused by a two hour, non-stop head-banging session.

Friday 1 March – Desmond & the Tutus Shortstraw, Yo Grapes and Half ‘n Half @Arcade Empire

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Funky tunes, groovy dance moves and good vibes are on the menu at Arcade Empire. Serving up the enigmatic Desmond & the Tutus, supported by Shortstraw and other chilled bands, this one is sure to have good times all round.

Drunk Rating: As drunk as it takes to get you on the dance-floor, shaking what no one gave you.

Saturday 2 March – Skrillex live @H2O

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The godfather of all things dubstep has found South Africa worthy, and will be blowing minds, and moistening panties this Saturday. Just remember to bring an extra set of eardrums, because come the first base-drop, ears will be bleeding and shit will be going down.

Drunk Rating: Plastered beyond human limits. Having a panic attack, because you’re sure that aliens are communicating with you, and threatening you with their anal probes.

Saturday 2 March – Watkykjy Presents Druk Hom Inni Rooi!

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It should be said that any event sponsored by Jagermeister, WILL always kick ass. To ensure the awesomeness, Shadowclub, CrashCarBurn, Man As Machine and DJ Zef Leopard will be keeping your music-boner fully erect at Arcade Empire.

Drunk Rating: The event is sponsored by Jagermeister… so, pretty fucking wasted.

Friday 15 March – St.Paddy’s @Arcade Empire

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The only day you’ll be able to talk like a leprechaun, and not get weird stares. Spend the day drinking your favorite beer, with your fellow intellectuals (drunks), and enjoy some good music. If you needed more incentive; the event entrance is FREE, leaving you with more gold for your magical pints o lager.

Drunk Rating: “Where’s your pot o gold!?” “Dude, that’s a post-box…”

Weakend 15 – 17 March – RAMfest

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This is the big one. The event I look forward to MOST every year, the event with the most attitude and balls in South Africa. It was where I saw my first international act, and it has since never disappointed. This year is definitely no exception. Booking two of the most beloved bands in the world, and then also getting Van Coke Cartel and Jack Parow together for 2 days of complete mayhem is just… LEGENDARY. And these bands only cover the Red Heart stage, there are still two other stages offering their own acts that cover pretty much every genre worth covering.

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Drunk Rating: You could get completely shit-faced off the music alone. But, getting a buzz on just before your favorite act comes on, couldn’t hurt. I’ve seen more than a few people pass out, right before the headliners go on stage, and forgetting any of these two nights, is a sin punishable by death! So, start the binge drinking after seeing everything.

Thursday 21 March – Fokofpolisiekar @ Baryard Theatre, Parkview

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Celebrating the 10th year of making the music of a generation, Fokofpolisiekar will be treating fans to a two hour set at venues all over the south. The show will consist of an acoustic set as well as an energetic rock set. Any true fan would never even think of giving this one a miss.

Drunk Rating: We may have said this before, but you will probably lose in a full-blown drinking competition with Francois, but hey give it a shot.

Sunday 24 March – Park Acoustics

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After a month of heavy drinking at any (or all) of the previous events, this one will be a godsend. A relaxed afternoon filled with friends and calming music, is a great way to give your liver a bit of a break.

Drunk Rating: On second thought, fuck you, liver! You must be punished!

There you have it; the best Snor city has in store for us all this March.