*Please don’t follow these steps if you like your job and making a killing, I will not be held responsible for any costs that could occur or maintenance of your kids.

Some of us had those where you hate your life so much and just want to take a crap on your boss’s desk (don’t do that, you will get arrested for public indecency)

But you can follow these to get fired and actually going out in style, just have a back up plan. *Please see first paragraph if you regret the decision afterwards.

I will start with some of the basic actions that you can do and move on to stuff that you didn’t even think off, well hopefully.

–          Show up late for everything, never be on time but expect it from everyone else.

–          Mess up the most simplest of tasks, make coffee instead of tea for the healthy living boss.

–          Use the aircon unreasonably, put it on cold in the winter and heat up the office in the summer.

–          Steal, not money but stationery with someone’s name on and claim it as your own. Guaranteed to make a few enemies.

–          Eat beans and boiled eggs the whole day, sit back and wait for nature to kick in.

–          Bring your pet to work, bring a big unwashed dog that shits constantly.

–          Misspell your co-workers names every time on important documents and claim that the name is hard to pronounce. Try Jan or Susan

–          Leave your food in the fridge for weeks with a sign on “don’t touch”

–          Claim that water is so expensive, and that you found a cheaper way to get clean. Then point at the water dispenser.

–          Date and dump co-workers regularly.

–          Wear Crocs to all your meetings and try to convince people that they are the next big thing.

–          Bitch and moan about your salary to the new guy and in the same  sentence ask him what he is earning.

–          Make photo copies of your ass daily.

–          Superglue your co-workers mouse to their desks, instant respect from me.

–          Have the most irritating ring tone and never pick up your phone, try Lonely from Akon or Baby from Justin Bieber. Punches may be thrown.

–          Break the coffee maker.

–          Download and print your porn, then leave it at the printer.

–          Num lock all the keypads in the office, frustration will follow.

–          Lock people in the bathroom as frequently as possible.


If you at least complete 3 of these things you will be jobless sooner than later, and join those lucky basterds living of welfare.