Everyone always says that they are living or living the dream or some shit like that. I tend to think that they are just talking smack and trying to make themselves feel better about their fucked up situation. I live by a set of rules; let’s just say quests that you have to complete in order to take the belt of winner at life. Some may be outrageous and may never be done, unless someone invented a time machine which I think already exist (explain déjà vu). But nevertheless they are points that must be ticked off sooner or later. Make your pick; just remember that I am watching you and the Windhoek guy as well. Note that the first ones may be easier than the latter.

–          Saved the day, it may be small or something for only one person. Like for instance, you saved a baby kitten from a tree.

–          Told your girl that you loved her in front of a crowd of strangers.

–          Cooked a perfect meal (toast and 2 minute noodles don’t count)

–          Drank a whole day beer without eating and still be the last man standing.

–          Caught livestock with your bare hands.

–          Drove a super car.

–          Stood up to your old man and gave him advice.

–          Survived a whole Twilight movie.

Enough of the silly stuff, now for the real hard shit.

–          Swam next to a shark and not lose a body part. I mean, you, the ocean    and a great white next to you.

–          Fucked your way out of a tight situation.

–          Stopped a stampede of animals.

–          Made a weapon with a gerbil, two onions and mouthwash.

–          Saw a real live dinosaur, bonus points if you rode it.

–          Was in a stand-off with a cowboy and won.

–          Drunk a whole bottle of tequila alone and not pass out.

–          Survived the trenches of Mordor/District 9 at Oppikoppi.

–          Had sex with a celebrity (celebrity look a likes don’t count for shit)

–          Punched Bakkies Botha.

–          Went to a party nude and no intention of putting on any form of clothes.

–          Did a back flip over a fire with a bicycle or any thing with wheels.

–          Ran onto a field with a live game of any sort and tackled the fucking ref.

–          Spotted some sort of alien life. Again bonus points if you made contact.

–          Shook the hand of Charlie Sheen, the ultimate winner.

–          Slept with hot twins and not have an awkward morning after.

–          Pet a fully grown lion and tried to get on his back.

–          Ate a bug that was still living, accidental mosquitoes does not count.

–          Auditioned for a role in a porno, and got it.

Down right fucking impossible, ultimate kudos if you can tick off any one of them.

–          Slept with Megan Fox.

–          Actually tried to pick a fight with the real Chuck Norris.

–          Climbed a mountain nude as the day you were born.

–          Showed up drunk for a job interview and got it.

–          Fixed the DVD player from blinking 12:00 the whole time.

–          Sold a piece of art that you made for a ton of cash.

–          Caught a fly with one hand and let it go again, you were one with nature.

–          Stage dived and crowd surfed for at least a minute.

–          Got killed and survived.

–          Set fire to yourself, killed the fire again and came out unscathed. Like a boss.

–          Won an argument against Gareth Cliff.

–          Loved the same woman and not wanting to be with someone else for the rest of your life.

So there you are, how many could you tick of your list?

  • Frans

    Nicely done!