Everyone always says that they are living or living the dream or some shit like that. I tend to think that they are just talking smack and trying to make themselves feel better about their fucked up situation. I live by a set of rules; let’s just say quests that you have to complete in order to take the belt of winner at life. Some may be outrageous and may never be done, unless someone invented a time machine which I think already exist (explain déjà vu). But nevertheless they are points that must be ticked off sooner or later. Make your pick; just remember that I am watching you and the Windhoek guy as well. Note that the first ones may be easier than the latter. – Saved the day, it may be small or something for only one person. Like for instance, you saved a baby kitten from a tree. – Told your girl that you loved her in front of a crowd of strangers. – Cooked a perfect meal (toast and 2 minute noodles don’t count) – Drank a whole day beer without eating and still be the last man standing. – Caught livestock with your bare hands. – Drove a super car. – Stood up to your old man and gave him advice. – Survived a whole Twilight movie. Enough of the silly stuff, now for the real hard shit. – Swam next to a shark and not lose a body part. I mean, you, the ocean and a great white next to you. – Fucked your way out of a tight situation. – Stopped a stampede of animals. – Made a weapon with a gerbil, two onions and mouthwash. – Saw a real live dinosaur, bonus points if you rode it. – Was in a stand-off with a cowboy and won. – Drunk a whole bottle of tequila alone and not pass out. – Survived the trenches of Mordor/District 9 at Oppikoppi. – Had sex with a celebrity (celebrity look a likes don’t count for shit) – Punched Bakkies Botha. – Went to a party nude and no intention of putting on any form of clothes. – Did a back flip over a fire with a bicycle or any thing with wheels. – Ran onto a field with a live game of any sort and tackled the fucking ref. – Spotted some sort of alien life. Again bonus points if you made contact. – Shook the hand of Charlie Sheen, the ultimate winner. – Slept with hot twins and not have an awkward morning after. – Pet a fully grown lion and tried to get on his back. – Ate a bug that was still living, accidental mosquitoes does not count. – Auditioned for a role in a porno, and got it. Down right fucking impossible, ultimate kudos if you can tick off any one of them. – Slept with Megan Fox. – Actually tried to pick a fight with the real Chuck Norris. – Climbed a mountain nude as the day you were born. – Showed up drunk for a job interview and got it. – Fixed the DVD player from blinking 12:00 the whole time. – Sold a piece of art that you made for a ton of cash. – Caught a fly with one hand and let it go again, you were one with nature. – Stage dived and crowd surfed for at least a minute. – Got killed and survived. – Set fire to yourself, killed the fire again and came out unscathed. Like a boss. – Won an argument against Gareth Cliff. – Loved the same woman and not wanting to be with someone else for the rest of your life. So there you are, how many could you tick of your list?