Seeing as you’re reading this, it’s safe to say, you survived the disappointing 2012 “APOCALYPSE”. What I find more impressive than that, is the way everyone got themselves out of bed, and back into work mode after an alcohol and party-filled December. You’ve already made it through a whole month of kissing your boss’s ass, and trying not to murder your colleagues. A difficult task. But, now that the new year is well underway, you’ll need an outlet for all that familiar stress. So here you go; the best, and only events worthy of your time this February. PS-We forgot about January’s events completely, sorry but that sucker crept up on us and gave us a sneaky uppercut right in the wallet.

Friday 1 February – Arcade Empire

Gained a few kilos over the festive season and already feeling that 2013 is a bitch? Well look no further than Arcade Empire tonight, Dirty Soul Productions presents HAEZER’s debut music video, if you don’t know who HAEZER is I suggest than you get your head out of Patricia Lewis’s boobs and start listening to some local DJ’s. Special guests include The Oddword straight out of Belgium, Minx, Spook Wolf, Kid Robot and Troublemaker. R80 at the door gets you in.

Drunk Rating: Trying to catch HAEZER when he jumps into the crowd, get a face full of sweat and smile like you just owned it. And later on trying to chat up that hot bartender and fail, miserably. Buy and drink enough tequila to kill a herd of buffalo.

HAEZER Arcade Empire

Friday 1 February – Zeplin’s Night Club

Need some serious head banging and heavy metal tunes in your ear. Zeplin’s has it for you, Its Swaar Metaal in die Moederstad in die moederfokken huisie! Bands rocking out include Chromium, Because of Betrayal, Gunship and Stray Natives.

Drunk Rating: Drinking a lot, head banging your neck into a spasm and moshing like there is no tomorrow. Asking at least two people “Hoekom dra jy so kak baie swart?”

Swaar Metaal in die Moederstad

Wednesday 6 February – Arcade Empire

Its Hump day, and what better way to enjoy it with some acoustical tunes in the form of Werner Olckers (Wrestlerish), The Plastics, Hey River! and The Forester. It’s free entrance and don’t forget about their delicious T-Bone and Draught specials.

Drunk Rating: There are so many things that can happen here. One – You can get smashed. Two – You can get smashed. Three – You can not drink and be a boring little douche. I tend to agree with the first two.

Acoustic Wednesday Arcade Empire

Thursday 7 February – Firkins Pub

This may be quite a strange addition to our list, but damn the guy is funny as hell. Robbie Wessels or as he is know “Poena” will be doing a show at Firkins to keep the locals entertained, 70 bucks gets you in.

Drunk Rating: Everyone is thinking the same thing, “Leeuloop” will be inevitable and be done by at least 11 people. But beware, not everyone is fond of a guy on all fours, naked ass in the air and trying to be a lion on the savannah marking his territory.

Robbie Wessels Firkins Pub

Tuesday 12 February – Onderstepoort

Beer beer and more beer. It’s the annual OP Beerfest with great acts like Wrestlerish, ISO, Zebra & Giraffe and The December streets, kicking it off. There will be R15 draughts and a 32 meter bar, yes a 32 meter bar. VIP tickets digging about R165 into your pocket and R65 for general entrance.

Drunk Rating: I said 32 meter bar, you think 32 meter long tequila line shot. Trying to match the impressive vocal ability of ISO but sounding more like Peter de Villiers after each track.

OP Beerfest

Sunday 24 February – Park Acoustics

Saturday night being too fucking rough and you can’t dread to stay one minute longer in your room on Sunday morning? Head down….wait up to Fort Schanskop for a blend of chilled vibes to ease that hangover. Comedy acts follow the bands and you can have a piece of Braaiboy’s Boerewors. 80 bucks at the door gets you into the chilled Sunday. And don’t forget that there will be a lot of promos from Jack Daniels.

Drunk Rating: You are already hungover and the heat is not doing you any favours. Already feeling a bit sloshed after the 3rd beer and probably passing out on the grass ala Koppie vibes.

Park Acoustics 24 Feb

Every Friday in February – Dropzone

Tuks FM (The best radio station in the whole wide world) will be hosting a few rocking nights at the one and only Dropzone. Loads of drink special to keep your pocket healthy and no cover charge. Let the games begin!

Drunk Rating: Dancing in such an absurd manner that a big circle forms around you, girls make a movie of it, post it online, you become a Youtube sensation. The nights end by flooding in the parking lot and giving the friendly car guard a well deserved thumbs up and puke covered R5.

TUKS FM Dropzone Fridays

Friday 1 March – Firkins Pub

This is not to be missed at all. The legend…..wait for it…..dary Fokofpolisiekar will be doing their acoustic followed by a full on rock set at Firkins pub. The show will be an eargasimg 120 min. See I told you, not to be missed!

Drunk Rating: Oh gawd.

Fokofpolisiekar

Ed

See you at the bar