Most of us enjoy a little alcohol every now and then, and as we indulge, we find there are certain things we always end up doing when we’ve had a little more than enough.

We like to call this a “drunk move”.

drunk dog 2

Some people may think they don’t have one, and maybe they don’t; but for the rest of us, there’s always at least one (almost trademarked) move we’ll always pull out when the booze starts flowing. Here are three examples of drunk moves, that we ourselves have, or have witnessed in our fellow drunkards.

1. The Love Confession

It has been said often that alcohol is like a truth potion; and this holds very true for some closet romantics.

People afflicted with the love confession drunk move, are especially unfortunate. Typically, these people will keep their feelings for their crushes, buried deep down; perhaps because they’re afraid to be shot down, they’re deep in the friend-zone or they just feel that their crush is way out of their league. And while keeping your feelings bottled up is generally a bad thing, it’s often way better than the alternative.

Sadly, most of us are not as lucky.

Sadly, most of us are not as lucky.

The alternative being; taking 10 Jager shots for “courage”, and ending up spilling your heart out to your crush, while ridiculously slurring every word, and trying desperately to force down the puke building up in your throat… Let’s just say, it never works out well, and you will be spending the next few days either hiding from the world, or repeatedly apologizing.

Either man the fuck up (even if you’re a girl), and tell them while you’re sober; or suffer in silence.

2. The Phone Murderer

When sober, the phone murderers really don’t mind cellphones very much. However, when intoxicated, phones are their main target for their misdirected rage.

We happen to know a few people with this particular move. We have witnessed a guy have an argument with his girlfriend over the phone, and after the call ended, he decided his phone might enjoy a little test of gravity… The phone shattered into a couple of thousand pieces. But the best case of phone murder, must be the time a friend got annoyed at one of the buttons on his Blackberry always getting stuck, and felt like throwing it into the fire might fix it pretty well… it didn’t work, but it was a Blackberry, so no one cared about it burning to a crisp.

Burning Blackberry

3. The Mood Swinger

These people can be the most entertaining to watch… for a while.

They start off the night well, socializing with everyone, and just generally adding to the great party atmosphere. However, get a few drinks in them, and shit starts to get… strange.

mood-swings1

As the level of drinking goes up, so does their emotional instability. The first stage of this  roller-coaster lubricated with alcohol, often includes “I fucking love you all!”, followed by hugging everyone in their general area. After that, the roller-coaster makes a quick stop at daredevil central, where every challenge is accepted (even though no challenges were offered), and alcohol consumption is doubled. This can be very funny to see, and laughing at other people making asses of themselves should be a hobby we all have.

challenge accepted drunk

But beware, this is the point where things start to go a little off the rails. The next step, we like to refer to as douche-bag mode… anything that happens when this mode is active, can, and will probably set them off. Fits of drunken rage, picking fights and the breaking of every single piece of glassware in the area, is what you can look forward to. While this can be fucking annoying, it’s nothing compared to the breakdown coming full speed ahead. In Afrikaans, we refer to this stage as “dronk verdriet”, and it’s not pretty. This is where everything, including the time they once farted in church, just becomes too much for them to bare. have a box of tissues and a whole lot of patience handy, because there will be many tears shed this night.

These are the only three we could think of right now… Nah, I’m just too drunk to write any more.

Help us (and the world) out, and tell us if you are one of these people. Or if you have your own move you think we should have covered, tell us all about it in the comments below!

  • Marcus

    Funny AND true…in Germany there’s also the “fuck-it-I-still-can-drive”-move.

    • Haha, we are also very familiar with that move here in South Africa, Marcus. Which is why we need the people who have the “overprotective drunk move”, where they will actively try to prevent anyone from driving (even if the person trying to drive home is completely sober).

      Thanks for the comment!

  • The “stripper”: The more booze consumed, the less clothes the person wears. It normaly stops at the underwear, but in rare cases those goes as whell.

    • It certainly sounds like you party with some fun people, Wally, haha. But, also knowing people with this particular move, we’re assuming that most of these cases are guys doing the stripping… Not very sexy.