Brandy Fest is coming at one moerse #BrandyBefok speed! 2 September! Meshande, pappa! And you better be ready, geen “ek hou nie van Brannas en musiek kak nie” – you will want to go!

This one of a kind Festival is going to be a fokken groot jol in Benoni… and we’re here today to tell you how to survive this fees and not be that doos in the parking lot at 2 in the afternoon, sleeping and missing all of the fun. We’re also giving away 2 sets of Double Tickets… lees om meer uit te vind.

First things first: It’s Brandy, en jy gaan jouself moet pace vir ‘n oomblik of vyf. Moenie hoenderborsie trek en sommer 26 Brannas klap binne 10 minute nie, die Bulle speel nie nou nie… Vat rustige slukkies and be cool. It’s not a competition, it’s a Festival, boet!

Tweedens: Fokkit, daar is musiek. Check die bands uit, daar is baie om van te kies; Jack Parow, The Black Cat Bones, Crystal Park, Hellcats, Cortina Whiplash en nog meer. Klap a brandy, grab your friends and sit (or jump) in front of the stage. Oorgasmes guaranteed!

Thirdly: Bring you maatjies saam. Jy kan nie alleen “Dans Dans Dans” nie, dis nie cool nie en jy kort altyd ‘n wingman of 8. Who is going to carry you your brandy when you want to go leak? Dink mense, dink!

Fourfff: Don’t be that guy, who has his fingers so deep in coolness that he only pitches up at 20:00. Nee man, wraggies. It’s a festival, not a braai.

Vyfde op die lys: Uber as jy gaan makietie. Dis maklik en donners veilig. Klap an Uber to and from the festival. Benoni isn’t that far away if you’re from Snor City, but it’ll be kak vêr if you had too much to drink. And not cool while sloshed behind a steering wheel…

Six love: It’s a first for many of those involved. Brandy Festivals are not that common in South Africa. And no, we’re not including those at posh estates where you pay R14 000 for a sip of aged brandy distilled that could have been in a cask during the French Revolution. Back to the point, enjoy the day, and don’t be kak.

Seven vibes: Bring cash. Cash is King and Zapper is Queen in the world of festivals. Trek jou spaargeldjies, breek jou spaarvark en leen sommer geld by jou pa (jy gaan mos Vrydagmiddag bietjie grassny vir ekstra moola?) en klap die fees. Jy kan once sommer vir jou food sorg, Karate Water aanskaf en merch kry. En ja, jy kan tasters klap.

Agtste: Kry vir jou ‘n hoedjie! It’s going to be hot and the sun is going to melt your bles if you don’t rock a hat. Fedoras are also welcome… and ladies, a flower headpiece is not a hat.

Nine: Moenie ‘n poef wees nie… ja, ‘n poef! As iemand per ongeluk in jou vasloop, hoef jy nie jou tan en abs te wys nie. Let it go, bra. Niemand hou van daai ou by ‘n fees nie. Smile, handskud en geniet die res van die vibe. Fight by jou huis of in Pretoria Noord.

Last but not least: Get your tickets (follow the jump) today. Don’t wait an hour before the event to complain on Facebook that you just paid and haven’t received your tickets yet. Everyone knows that person. Baie vinnig om te kak en moan, maar doos stadig as dit kom om iets anders te doen. Prepare, bratjom.

Thank you for reading and hope that you take (or burn) this advice. We’ll see you at Brandy Fest!

 

When you search for “Brandy Gif” this is the first image that pops up…

 

 

 

Still reading? Piele! We’re giving away 2 sets of double tickets to Brandy Fest. What do you need to do? Share this post on Facebook or Twitter, and you can win. #BrandyBefok, bra! The winner will be announced on 25 August 2017 at 10:00. Gooi, oke, gooi!