Anyone following this blog might notice that both I and Ed like to indulge in a bit of drinking every now and then (yeah admittedly more than that). So we have more than enough experience in this particular field. Here are a few things we learned along the way about the wonderful substance called alcohol. Note that Ed wrote in Italics.

Confidence

A shot or two of tequila is enough to make anyone feel like the life of the party. That stunning girl sitting at the bar, who you think is way out of your league (she is, by the way… [For you maybe, never for me – Ed]) , may seem like a really tough nut to crack when you’re sober. Tequila to the rescue! After the first few shots, you start to get that familiar feeling called the “fuck it” feeling and you can almost hear your brain shouting “just fucking do it damn it!” So you go over to her, throw out your best pickup line (Is jou pa se hot ‘n tollie want jy is fokken chillie… does not work at all – Ed) and much to your surprise she doesn’t slap you, but instead invites you to talk with her. This is why tequila rocks.

Two more please!

Over confidence

Now, booze may have helped you make the first move, however from there on more alcohol just fucks everything up! You’ll find that it gets allot tougher to sound all romantic when you slur every word that comes out of your mouth. Not noticing your rapidly deteriorating vocabulary, you order yourself another couple of drinks. At this point you may feel that there is nothing you can do to fuck this up. Done deal right? Well… no. If the slurred words weren’t enough to drive her away you can bet your ass that your breath after puking your lungs out will. Chappies: buy them, steal them, just make sure you have a few of them (that should’ve been the official theme song of chappies – Tank) you might even make a couple of new drunk friends along the way and swap some proper spit with a fine girl.

Being a dare-devil

Alcohol has this tendency of turning seemingly reserved and careful people, into bad ass stuntmen/women (depending on the amount of booze consumed). We have personally seen a few epic stunts performed by people drunk out of their skulls. Booze may cause you to think that Evel Knievel (yes, that is spelled correctly… I checked – Tank) stunts run in your blood, you may be right, but trust me, in the morning you will be feeling the pain. A certain incident I can remember when I was in my more youthful years: there was a night of drunken attempts to do back flips off a wall, it ended up with one unfortunate guy stopping the flip mid way and falling flat on his face, much to the delight of all the people watching.

Failing at being a dare-devil

Firstly, let me just say, no matter how epic the stunt sounds, chances are you’ll fuck it up and break some shit so don’t do it! Refer to Ed’s story above. He felt like Rocky Balboa before he started the flip, but his face looked flatter than Keira Knightley’s breasts after that.

Drink this they said, do a backflip off the top they said

Good ideas

Most good ideas pitch up right when your shirt feels just a bit looser and after your shoes are drenched in alcohol. Some may seem outrageous like going to the sea just to swim for one night in shark infested water or just plain brilliant. I classify drunken shopping cart racing, riding a skateboard, invisible giraffe hunting and coinage as good ideas (doesn’t everyone? – Tank).

Good idea, horrible execution

The idea: Go outside to play some cricket, in the back yard with limited space. Now this isn’t exactly n bad idea, but anyone that’s done it before will know that when playing sports in the back yard; your rugby, soccer or in this case tennis ball will eventually end up on a roof. Well, not sure if they were drunk but alcohol was present when the tennis ball ended up on the roof of the neighbour’s house. This is where I think booze played a big role in the decision making process. My friends decided that instead of going next door to get the ball back, they would just get a ladder and climb over the ELECTRIFIED fence to get it… (Naturally my friend Derrick was chosen for this mission, sorry bro!)

The following video shows the climax of this little stroke of genius:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Hkfq4nj0gQ&feature=plcp]

Sex

Sex Sex Sex… you have to have sex when you are drunk at least once in your life. Sure it may not be everyone’s cup of tea but it’s too good to pass up. The passion, the positions and of course the waking up not knowing why the fuck your hands are tied to the bed post with your boxers stuffed halfway down your throat (holy shit dude where the fuck do you pick up your chicks!? – Tank). And why on earth are girls more open to new ideas involving sex when they are intoxicated, I know a few that are (numbers please! – Tank). Yes I am referring to you! Back to the point, a shower after sex always comes up after the deeds have been done and guess what, then it can start all over again.

Drunken stupid sex

I am referring to really drunken idiotic sex, sex with a girl when you are hammered that is not your partner… A big no go guys, don’t do it. A few hours of sex ecstasy is not worth a life time of doubts. After that also note that you should cover your tool, if it breaks go buy a new one, or rather don’t… don’t drive drunk (Here at Why Ed? Safety comes first! – Tank). Rather experiment for a bit, a 69 can be a romantic dinner for two if treated with due respect. Just don’t try and make a sex tape, you may think that you could double in for a porn star, but in reality the film needs to be longer than 20 seconds bud!

Memories that last forever

Memories and stories can make or break you. I tend to be in the middle most of the time. Memories that you can cherish or if you can’t remember try drunken photos which you can admire. One of the best moments of a night out is without a doubt the next morning’s faded memories which come back piece by piece, good or bad you might crack a smile every now and then on what shouldn’t be erased from time. And the thoughts of, “I am a fucking legend” creeps in.

Crap memories that last forever

You get those with the great ones, for instance: I swapped spit with that super sexy lady that wore those tight skinny jeans, after she left I got her number and drank more. Later on I got horny and wanted more so I text her raunchy things, only to be told to fuck off. Not something you would want to be proud of or really speak of too often. Crap ones stick to you like shit under your shoe, you can’t always see them but you know that they are there.

So there you have it, good and bad things about drinking, even if you don’t agree on some of the points. Now, stop reading put on your drinking shirt and go do something you’ll regret in the morning!

See you at the bar.

Written by Tank and Ed.