We here at Why Ed have always, and will always be huge supporters of our proudly local bands. Bands and artists with talent rivalling even the best international acts. The “artists” we’ll be listing in this article are not those bands.

No, the following collection of music videos serve only to showcase the worst of what Afrikaans music has to offer. It’s the dog shit you begrudgingly try to scrape off of your new shoes. It’s the friend who tries way too hard to be cool and annoys all around them, but everyone feels too bad for them to tell them to fuck off. It’s kak. And it’s the worst kak atop the towering pile of kak that tries to convince everyone that it’s actually good music nowadays.

We decided not to include any music videos that were intended to be kak, because those can actually be pretty hilarious.

Well, here they are, the worst of the worst Afrikaans music videos we’ve ever seen.

1. Mwah! – “Sandra Prinsloo” ft. Elvis Se Seun

“Sandra Prinsloo” is probably the most popular song on the list, and unfortunately, most of us have heard it once or twice while out and about. And I get it, a couple of “hot chicks,” a “pomping beat,” that one guy from 7de Egoli or some shit, and a semi “catchy tune.” This song and music video has it all… except maybe for any real talent or originality.

2. Hannes – “‘n Ster vir my”

If you were unlucky enough to grow up in a mega Afrikaans household, along with family members who had no clue what real music sounded like, “‘n Ster vir my” should sound all too familiar. While it’s a relatively new song (2012), “‘n Ster vir my” sounds strikingly similar to every “popular” Afrikaans song our grandparents thought fit to torture us with. Hannes’ voice and pronunciation, and especially his entire appearance in the above video is creepy as fuck. Enjoy the nightmares of his “charme.”

3. Karen Ferreira – “Tokkelos”

Continuing the trend of phenomenal creativity and originality, here’s Karen Ferreira’s version of “Tokkelos.” The song’s generic beat and even more generic lyrics make for a difficult and cringe-worthy listen, and the accompanying video shows a deep disrespect for other cultures… And yet we still wonder why no one likes us.

4. Alex Cloete – “Boere Boogie”

Where do I even start here… “Boere Boogie” is what you get when a shitty Elvis Presley impersonator decides to try and make his own music video. It’s not pretty: the lyrics are banal, the dancing looks like cats trying to shake stuck turds loose, and it’s obvious that everyone involved in the video are dead on the inside.

5. Chrizaan – “Lollipop”

Trying too hard is rarely a good idea, and we wish someone had told Chrizaan that before making this music video. The repetitive beat, the inescapable auto-tune, and the entirely unnecessary additions of English words she probably just drew from a hat, all serve to make this song much worse than it probably could have been. Probably. Nah, it’d be kak regardless.

6. Divvi – “Sal jy my meisie wees”

Why Ed isn’t in the habit of shaming little kids, but we’re going to make an exception just this once. “Sal jy my meisie wees” is disturbing, and more than a little sad. Besides the fact that the kid in the video thinks the way to win a girl’s heart is to beg and bribe her incessantly, how did his parents listen to his “singing” and thought making a music video was a good idea? Bad parenting 101.

7. Dirk van der Westhuizen – Any music video he’s ever made

Dirk van der Westhuizen, voted most likely to be sued into oblivion for his blatant disregard for copyright. Some of you might not know, but Dirk went to school with our very own Ed, and we’re pretty sure that if you attended any school in or around the Norfff in the last ten years, you’ve probably been subjected to his futile attempts to become a “star” at least once. Just stop trying to make your music career happen, Boere Treffers are dead.

8. Egmond – “Kom Red My”

Oh Egmond… Why Ed appreciates the fact that you’re still trying to make this whole “music” thing work, really. Your perseverance is commendable. But the thing is, we didn’t like your music back when we first wrote about “kom red my,” and we still don’t. The song didn’t need a “2015 Remake,” it needs to be sealed away in the deepest bowls of the earth, never to see the light of day again. If you continue to make music, we wish the same of you.

9. Berril von Amburg – “Wil jy of wil jy nie”

There’s not much I feel the need to say about this particular video except maybe, NEE! FOKKEN NEE! EK WIL GEEN! NOOIT! (Do yourself a favour and check out the comments about this video on YouTube, you won’t regret it).

10. Hans Drommedaaris ‘Die Wille Boer’ – “Pierewaaier Dans”

If you’ve ever wondered what the whole mid-life crisis thing was all about, let me introduce you to the “Pierewaaier Dans.” The song and its accompanying video could only have been dreamed up by a seriously misguided, middle-aged man, trying desperately to cling on to his youth by “jamming what the kids these days are into, hey.” It’s… It’s… just watch the video.

 

Well, that’s our list. These are only a few of the MANY truly terrible Afrikaans music videos out there, and we’d never be able to put them all together in one post. So, if you think there’s a specific music video we should have covered, drop a link in the comments below (or don’t, since we’ve seen too much of this already).

A special “thanks” to Michelle Hummel for introducing me to all of these wonderful videos.