We had really hoped this post wouldn’t be necessary – especially after our first post on this epidemic of annoyingness (if you haven’t read it yet, click here). But it seems like doing stuff to piss off everyone in their friends list, is all some people have left that still gets their panties nice and soaked.

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So, once again the responsibility of reminding those bastards just how impossibly annoying they can be, falls unto us. Or at the very least, people who don’t want to become total Facebook dicks, can learn what not to do.

[Note to our family and friends on Facebook who are reading this; this totally doesn’t apply to any of you… we promise…]

Here we go:

1. Tagging people in bullshit photos

This one’s pretty simple; if we aren’t in the pic, don’t tag us in the damned pic! You know those “cute” or “funny” pictures that you find all over the internet? You know, the one’s with a bunch of cartoon characters or something similar? While you might find it hilarious to tag your friends as each of those characters, the person being tagged as the “fatty” or “whore”, will probably not find it as funny as you do. And well… it’s just irritating.

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Tagging us in these, also needs to stop (because we already know how awesome we are, and STOP TELLING US WHAT TO DO DAMNIT!):

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2. Have your face in your profile pic

If your face isn’t in your own profile pic, we’re gonna go ahead and assume you’re a hideous freak. If you don’t like your own face, keep in mind that if we don’t see your real face, this next pic will be how we see you.

This is what we'll think you look like... you don't want that.

Your face doesn’t seem all that bad now, huh?

And seriously, use your real name, people! You were given a name, it might be a completely shit name, but it’s yours, and you should use it.

3. Lovey-dovey shit

Honestly, we’re all really happy that you have found your “soul-mate” – even if it is the seventh “soul-mate” you’ve had this month – but posting about your “earth shaking love” all the fucking time, gets ol… no, it’s already old. If you guys are really that in love, how about you make the effort to go tell them in person, or here’s a crazy thought, call them; instead of forcing us all to sift through all of that bullshit.

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4. Study the dictionary, or get beaten to death with one

Grammar Nazi’s are annoying sometimes, and a simple mistake here and there is completely forgivable; but hell, some of the crap we have to sift through on our News Feeds every single day is just fucking ridiculous. Come on, look at this shit!

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Also; “TyPiNg LiKe ThIs. FuIcKiNg IrEtAtInG tRyInG tO rEaD tHiS sHiT” Please for the sake of all that is holy; “get a mental health checkup or get glasses”.

[Thanks to Wall-e for that one]

5. Vague status updates

Don’t force people to ask you what your status is all about by being vague; shit like “Well that sucked” or “I can’t believe that just happened”. Either share the full story, or keep it the fuck to yourself. If you know you’re going to explain your status to people who comment and ask what it’s about anyway, just save us all the trouble and do it right from the start.

then why tell us

Also, we honestly can’t see the point of updates like this; “ooh that bitch better watch her back, if she even breathes the same air as me ever again, I’m going to slap her with a goldfish”. If you hate the person you’re referring to in the update that much, chances are you don’t even have them as a Facebook friend, so the chances of them seeing it are slim to none. Why do it then?

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6. People who don’t have Facebook, or have died won’t see your update about them

Saying happy birthday to your five-year-old on Facebook, when they don’t have Facebook, makes about as much sense as a solar powered torch. Don’t do it.

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This one might shock you, but dead people don’t Facebook… We know how bad it hurts to lose someone you love, but directing a status update to that person, is just silly. Unless ghosts know how to use Facebook, in which case… oh fuck!

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7. Stop this joint profile crap

First off, we’re referring to two people sharing the same Facebook profile, and not a profile for weed – there are many of those too, though.

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You might feel that you and your partner are so close, that you have morphed together to form one being, but really you’re just confusing the fuck out of everyone. It’s not cute. If we want to talk to you, we’d rather not take five minutes trying to figure out whether the person we’re talking to has a penis or a vag.

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8. Religious hate posts don’t belong on Facebook (or anywhere else)

This one might ruffle some feathers, but people should know it’s not cool. Everyone has the right to believe in who, or whatever they want. If you are going to go on Facebook and tell everyone that they’re going to hell, you either don’t know what your own religion is all about, or you are just a closed-minded dick. On the other hand, non-religious people have no right to bash those people who have faith. Mutual respect and understanding for the win!

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9. Liking your own posts and using hash-tags

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While your status about your perfect body or new shoes, might seem like the most brilliant thing in the world, liking your own status, is almost more pathetic than using hash-tags, so that random people can find out how “#awesome” you are.

10. Pics of you at the gym

It might seem like we’re often unfair to people who go to the gym, but it’s not the fact that you gym that annoys us, it’s really the fact that many people who go to the gym, become complete douchebags. We know you’re proud of your body that would make even Goku from dragonball z go “damn, would you look at those abs!” but we really don’t need to see a pic of you trying your best to flex in front of a mirror, every 20 minutes.

unless you look like this, of-coarse...

unless you look like this, of-coarse…

These are just a few of the many annoyances you’ll find on Facebook, so feel free to let us know if we missed anything, in the comments below.