We know our own bodies pretty well right? I mean we have to deal with all its shit every day, twenty-four-seven, until it decides that it’s had enough, and finally craps out for good. So you might be surprised to find out, that there are (at least) ten things about the human body, that most people still accept as fact, when it’s actually just a bunch of lies.

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1. Drinking (alcohol) destroys brain cells

Here’s one society (and your parents) would really prefer you believed. You may hear something like this; “hey man I know you’re busy with that 50 jager bomb challenge thing right now, but I just thought you should know that all that drinking is killing your brain cells…” But while you might be murdering your liver, and making your parents oh so proud; drinking does not wreck your brain cells. Hooray!

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“I’m Homer Simpson, and I approved this message”

Alcohol only dulls the cells when you’re drunk, it doesn’t actually harm them. But when some people get drunk, they often do stupid shit like break bottles over their head, and that my friends, would be a cause of brain cell death.

2. Different areas of your tongue only taste a certain thing

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You probably remember the picture above from biology class, and while we were taught that our tongues are divided into little areas that only taste bitter, sweet or salty things, it’s pretty much just complete bullshit.

Our tongues are not like high school, where certain people only socialize with other people similar to them. But don’t blame your teachers, they were most probably spoon-fed this bowl of lies too. The confusion all started because some (presumably drunk) guy, mistranslated an old German study, that found some participants experienced certain flavors more strongly in different areas of their tongue. And while every tongue is different, most of them have a pretty even distribution of taste-buds, making the above chart, a colorful illustration of lies.

3. Most of your body heat gets lost through your head

Didier Cuche

So, we all know heat rises, making this one seem quite plausible. But like much of what your parents taught you, you should also ignore their belief, that most of your body heat escapes through your head.

This one stemmed from a pretty retarded “study” done by the US army. Participants of the study were sent out in the cold, decked out in survival gear, but weren’t given hats. So they found that the participants lost 40-45% of their body heat through their heads… Of course they fucking did! Their heads were the only part of their body not covered, so obviously they’d lose body heat through it.

Pretty much any body part that isn’t covered when you’re out in the freezing cold, will lose body warmth more easily.

4. You are fat because of your metabolism

This is one you’ll hear all the time from people with a little extra lovin’; “You’re so lucky you have such a great metabolism! Mine is so slow, it sends this entire bucket of KFC I just ate, straight to my ass.”

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“Fuck my metabolism, I just can’t understand why I can’t lose weight!”

Unlike what fat people and the dieting industry would like you to believe, your metabolism being slow or fast, does not make you overweight. Eating more calories than what your body needs, makes you fat.

5. Hair and fingernails keep growing when you die

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The only reason this myth is so widespread, is because when you die, your cuticles shrink, making it look like your hair and nails are still growing. So no, your hair and nails are not giving death a big ol’ “fuck you!”

6. You only use 10% of your brain

Do a random search on YouTube, and spend a few minutes watching people doing shit that should get them removed from the gene-pool; and the myth that humans only use 10% of their brain, seems extremely attractive.

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But here’s the thing, even idiots who like getting hit in the nuts, have (presumably) functioning brains. We use our whole brain, just not all at once. So give up on telekinesis by way of getting into the leftover 90%.

7. You were hyperactive as a kid because you had too much sugar

We all know kids are sugar-crazed little bastards, right? I mean just look at them running around and playing all day long; it must be because they had too many sweets!

"In about 10 minutes, little Johnny is going to turn into the spawn of Satan!"

“In about 10 minutes, little Johnny is going to turn into the spawn of Satan!”

Well guess what; kids play and run around, not because the chocolate flipped some “freak-the-fuck-out” switch in their brain, but exactly because they are KIDS. The conclusion of many studies found, that sugar has little to no effect on children’s behavior. Parents are just more likely to blame sugar, when their kids start tearing the wallpaper off with their teeth.

8. Got stung by a jellyfish? Quickly, piss on it!

People seem to think that when you’re in pain, it’s perfectly acceptable to whip out their junk, and take a nice leak on your face. It’s not!

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When you’re stung by a jellyfish, there might be some un-fired stingers left in the wound, and urine can actually cause them to fire off, making it even more painful. So, we can’t believe we have to say this; pissing on your friends is never okay!

9. Reading in the dark will screw up your eyes

"Dude! Isn't that your mom!?"

“Dude! Isn’t that your mom!?”

While reading in a dimly lit environment can cause eye strain, there’s no real risk of permanent damage. A children’s health researcher said “… hundreds of online expert opinions conclude that reading in low light does not hurt your eyes”. So kids, you can “read” those nudy-mags late at night when your girlfriend is sleeping, all you want.

10. Eating late at night makes you fat

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You’re not a gremlin, eating late at night won’t turn you into a hideous creature, unless you’re eating your own body weight in bacon every night. Fuck, we love bacon. Anyway, the reason most people pack on the weight when they eat late at night, is not because their bodies hate them; but because they are more likely to pig out when they wait till they’re super hungry before eating. And mindlessly snacking in front of the TV, also doesn’t help much.

Calories are calories, they don’t wait until it’s nice and dark before they turn into fatty bastards.